My city has experienced the wettest summer in the recorded weather history of Denmark.

Just this morning I woke up to a two hour thunderstorm with the most insane cracks, blitzes and a mustard yellow hazy sky. It felt like some aliens were landing on the planet in giant yellow spaceships. Unfortunately they didn’t, and another boring day began instead. And it keeps on raining. I used to love rain, but after this summer I have come to hate it as much as I hate big crowds, girls’ intimate areas and canned foods. If there is a hell below Denmark its fires must have been put out by now.

Rain reminds me of Tokyo though. The atmosphere you experience in films like Blade Runner or Lost in Translation are very close to what it feels like walking around the city at nighttime in the rain. It’s futuristic and alien–a neon-lit planet of the future. The rain puddles reflect the neon signs and brightly-lit streets and thereby doubling the already intense visions.

An early morning at Yoyogi train crossing. Lots of umbrellas so watch your eye balls for pointy spikes.

Back when I went to school in Tokyo everyone’s recess/break snack was the onigiri (the nori seaweed-wrapped ball of rice with something inside it). Right next to the school there was a Lawson konbini (convenience store) and as soon as the bell rang we all went down to hang out and eat/smoke/chat in front of the konbini. And onigiris are the perfect thing to eat while you’re just hanging out on a street corner. You can eat it with one hand, it’s healthy and it’s super cheap.

Take a look at the Tokyo aesthetics regarding the surroundings of onigiri outlet spaces. Notice the abundance of lights, colours and ads:

This is a downtown area street in Yokohama, Japan’s 2nd biggest city (but it could as well be Tokyo).

On such a street you can find konbinis looking like this below–a local Lawson featuring fellow UM writer Yoko:

Notice again the great amount of products, printed ads and weird colour schemes (what’s with that salmon/meat pink theme on the walls?)

In the back of such konbinis you find the refrigerated shelves with lots of onigiri. It’s one big shopping party.

Having a sudden Tokyo natsukashii (nostalgic) moment, I met up with a friend to check out a fairly new onigiri shop in Copenhagen.

Quite a contrast, right?

Onigiri: Japanese Food & Snack – Food to Go, is a new little chain of stores in Copenhagen (so far they only have two) selling onigiris togo. What a great idea–it’s a healthy and low fat lunch snack which the Danes could get addicted to.

Inside is quite calm as well.

The brass framed glass counter shows off the food elegantly.

The menu is neatly written on a large blackboard:

You can get five different onigiris, some salads, “oishii rolls-a-gogo” (should’ve tried that!), some hot soups and dish of the day.

The onigiri prices range from $5 -7 which is expensive considering I usually paid 105 yen in Tokyo (about $1 back then), so five times the Japanese price. But of course konbini onigiris are made daily in quite considerable amounts for a nation of 130 million rice lovers. Can’t really compare to making such few pieces for Denmark. I hope if an onigiri fad catches on and every store in every city wants them, the prices will lower, but I seriously doubt it.

Anyway, we picked three different onigiris and I also ordered a chicken soup. And a cold green tea which is not from Japan since the bottle’s label is written in Thai. Bah.

Tuna Mayo Wasabi / Ginger Salmon Edamamesalsa /  Chicken Teriyaki:

The packaging is traditionally Japanese wrapping, with the nori and rice seperated. Colours are nice and easy to distinguish. In no way original but there’s no need for that anyway if you want to introduce an already well-established and well-designed product into a new market.

I really like that they have included the Japanese translations as well.

The chicken teriyaki is ok. Not super flavourful though, kinda bland and the meat is dry. I’ve had better. Also the rice seems to be a mixture of white and brown rice. I ought to be a big fan of brown rice, being a Dane and all, but I’m not.

My friend’s Ginger Salmon Edamame salsa was more in the right direction.

You can’t really see it yet, but the pink colours of the salmon, yellow ginger and green edamame looked good together.

All in all I would still say the onigiris I have in Japan are better. Yes, they might be prepared by robots and human droids, but I still like my Tokyo onigiris best.

Maneki neko aka cat of good fortune, on the glass counter! Very kawaii.

The cat waved goodbye from the counter and I think I want to come back again, at least to try out the other onigiris. But dammit–still missing my Tokyo onigiri. The only thing to do is to got to Japan and invade their konbinis.
I mean, mild radiation is almost better than heavy rain, right?

PREFACE
Skankynavia: In the US (Part 1 – Berkeley)

Last week I listened to the great NYC radioshow called RadioLab. They deal with quirky science and interesting true stories, and last week’s subject was “memory” (a rerun from 2007, listen here). It turns out that every time you remember something, and when you revisit a certain piece of stored information in your brain, you actually reprogram it. The brain re-experiences the thing that once happened to it, it replays the situation, and it also alters it a little. Neurons shift place, the atoms jump around, things you were certain of before will suddenly become unsure. Meaning that every time you think of something, you change it around. The less you recall a memory, the more it stays pristine and “true”.

My three weeks in the U.S. are already jumping around in my head–facts drift away, situations are mixed-up–and all the strange flavours I treated my tongue to are becoming blurry and mushy. I look through all the photos I took during the trip, and while it does help, so much information is lost.

One thing stays super clear though–what an incredible country the U.S. is. I recall how friendly and kind people were, and the warm and intensity of the Western states. I had such a great time, and the memories will stay with me forever.

On April 27th 2011 fellow Umamimart writer Yoko and I rented a lipstick red car and drove South onto Highway 101. I especially recall what it felt like leaving the Bay Area, a place with such an intense focus on food and drinks. When you leave this culinary bubble, it’s kind of an abrupt wake-up call.

Destination: LA, Joshua Tree, Las Vegas, Grand Canyon, Phoenix and NYC.

After a week of Japanese food and healthy, organic, politically-correct dining, we attacked the first burger chain joint we came upon: Good O’l Burgers!

We start out slow with hand-cut fries, Pepsi coke and a “Garden Burger”–a nice soft, veg beginning. I liked the wholegrain bun!

Between San Francisco and LA there’s a weird, weird place called Solvang. It’s a village inspired by Denmark–quaint and cute with buildings and locations named after famous Danish historical sights and people.

I’m sure it’s very exotic and as close to a Scandinavian vibe as you’ll ever get for an American. To me, a Dane, it was just plain weird.

Sladerbænken (“Gossip Bench”) is spelled wrong, and makes no sense in Danish. The viking is super creepy as well.

This is what it must feel like for a Japanese person, when foreigners put together a “Japanese festival” or design a sushi bar, copying random katakana and kanji characters for decorational purposes. Everything was slightly off and kinda wrong–things looked somewhat familiar, but as it was as if David Lynch gave a helping hand.

Yoko browses the postcard section, teary-eyed about her own Scandinavian adventure in Denmark two years ago.

In the official Danish bakery I could hardly recognise any of the “traditional” cakes. Here is a borrowed picture of the popular Danish cake “Napoleons hat”(around $4 in Denmark).

Photo: Baechs Conditori.

Here is Solvang’s edition:

It’s all wrong. Milk chocolate? And on top instead of underneath?? That’s disgusting.

After our 20-minute stop in Solvang, we headed for Studio City in LA where Yoko’s sassy and witty cousin Tomo lives.

Oh, LA: I thought I’d hate you but I didn’t.

Just the traffic. But everything else was fab. The weather, the gigantic palm trees, the $$$.

After a few days, Tomo decided to throw a traditional LA pool party, inviting super fun fellow Umamimart writer Sarah Nevada, the gay star photographer Matthew Kristall and lots of really friendly people. All everyone talked about was movies, celebs, script writing, working in the industry etc. VERY LA! Loved it.

Yoko cooking wonders as usual. Tomo posing, putting beer in the fridge, filling a watermelon with vodka and prepping the hot tub for her hot straight male friends. Pretty cool family.

This is the only picture I took of the pool, I was totally too timid to actually walk out there and snap photos of the naked peeps. Don’t know the LA pool party picture rule book well enough..

I think the food theme was Mexican. Sarah Nevada fixing super spicy drinks. Need that recipe by the way!

The Studio City Kitchen Posse.

We only had three days in LA but I could’ve used so much more. And only one day in Disneyland? Please, I could’ve stayed a week!

This place just lets you seriously escape the Outside World which is probably why Yoko couldn’t drag me out.

Pretzel stand inspired by the artwork of famous Disney preliminary artist Mary Blair.

Two of my most inspirational heroes on Earth: Jim Henson & Mary Blair. Both gone too soon, unfortunately.

Disneyland and the new California Adventure were such delights. Unlike the food.

This was supposed to be one of the better places in Disneyland. Not really though. Dry stale bread overload.

Carb removal.

Warner Bros Studio tour. We went on a weekend hence the quiet studio streets.

Normally it’s crowded with actors, writers and the whole crew shebang.

This is where they shot Blade Runner!!!

And also a certain show about six friends…

Oh, we also came by this little cafe called The Central Perk.

We both suddenly started humming “Smelly Cat”, no idea why…

From LA we headed into the scorching desert of Joshua Tree–a total recommendation. We went hiking in the Hidden Valley which felt like walking around in a movie set from a distant desert planet.

Yoko snacking on a Cliff Bar while enjoying the views of alien trees and moon-like rocks.

After a lot of eating out, Yoko insisted on cooking us a homemade meal in the small cabin we stayed in. It ended up being a wonderful night with desert spaghetti, cold white wine and incredible star-gazing.

After 24 hours of desert tranquility and listening to the soothing sounds of oasis palm trees blowing in the wind, our next destination was Las Vegas.

As soon as we arrived, Yoko declared her fear and loathing for Vegas and booked an all afternoon spa treatment inside our Hard Rock Hotel, leaving me to roam free on the Strip after a quick Mexican meal with a view over the big pool area filled with naked, chunky, corn-fed American guys. I already loved this place.

A tiny starter plate of nachos with 3 hot dips.

Two tortillas with beans, rice and fried shrimp. Pretty good.

The rest of the day I walked back and forth on the Strip, trying to see the crazy insides of as many hotel casinos as possible. Among other things I came across this:

The gondolas of Venice. Charming.

Even more fake: the indoor shopping mall with a canal, gondolas, and men singing classics such as O Sole Mio and That’s Amore.

I would definitely not eat anything in here…

Next up was the Grand Canyon–what a place of wonder and awe.

I really liked the way the cultural legacy shifted from Mexican to Native American as we came closer to the Canyon.

I loved the big dining hall at our hotel – clearly inspired by Native American architecture and patterns, especially the cool lamps.

Breakfast: french toast and pancakes:

Carb overload again. I had a hard time emptying even one of the plates.

Later, we decided to fill our backpack with sandwiches and wine and hiked one hour up to a peak across the plains and canyons to watch the sunset.

We enjoying great food and cold wine with this view, watching silent eagles hover across the cliffs, listening to the only sound of the wind whistling through the caves many miles below while the sun set. It was simply magical.

Yoko brought a fantastic snack: transparent sourly pickled plum drops from Muji:

Here it beams in the sun. This drop will forever remind me of sunsets and warm red sand.

By now we were deep into the midwest, at least to me being so far away from the coast. Being in Arizona was exactly what you see in the movies–burning sun, crazy cacti and wide open spaces. And of course, biker diners. Yoko’s hitting the spot while checking out the hot cowboy dudes with tats and boots and hats at the bar. When the waitress called me “honey” I knew I was finally in the Real US.

The food was, as expected, not candlelight dining. Ceasar salad with spicy chicken and crackers in a plastic bag.

In Phoenix, Yoko had booked us into a luxurious golf resort for a change of pace. Never got to ride that golf cart though…

Arriving in our room (which thankfully included a washer, dryer and kitchen) Yoko insisted on cooking us a meal again so we went to the local supermarket, which was such a contrast to the shops in the Bay Area. Instead of 20 different kinds of oranges, this place carried 20 different kinds of chocolate milk.

Patriot-mobile.

This was a display for Mother’s Day gift ideas:

A great addition to my Toxic Terror post.

This is not the garden bug exterminator section, it’s what they feed their kids:

Thank god, Yoko’s ready to whip up a fresh, healthy dinner on the terrace.

Followed by a pool swim under the Arizona stars.

And then, we flew to New York for the big Umamimart Writer’s Dinner hosted by MARTHAlicious co-writer Yamahomo.

Meeting, greeting and mixing drinks. Unfortunately I started my NYC trip by going accidentally gay binge drinking with a certain gay Martha the night before, so being slightly hungover the next day I chose to opt out of Payman’s drink menu to everyone’s understandable hostility and lack of understanding. Who says no to a free drink?? Sorry Payman, next time I promise to drink everything you serve me.

Kayoko aka Asian Oprah in her right element–mixing drinks with food fanatic friends.

Pink hostess with the mostess and her slave boy Nate. Love their interior decor.

No need to post more pics of this fab dinner party, Kayoko already covered it thoroughly–except for my LSD Bunny matching the appropriately homosexual table settings in white and pink.

The next morning I had breakfast at the local Moonstruck Diner, enjoying the real NYC atmosphere:

Food was not something to write home about… oh guess I just did. Avocado omelet and hash browns. Like sticking your tongue out the window.

Later I met up with Kayoko for Umamimart design meeting and lunch at NY classic French bistro Balthazar.

Cheers in champussy, darling.

Steak tartare. Delicious and very full in taste and crunch.

Crispy lamb sandwich and real French fries. Great dish.

I really loved Balthazar because of the atmosphere of power lunching in a real NYC legacy. My friend once saw Anna Wintour and Marc Jacobs lunch here, and that seals the deal in my book.

Later that evening Yoko, Washi, Kayoko and I met up with some other NYC friends in Grand Central Station for an oyster meal.

I had been looking forward to this for a while–I had heard a lot about the place and wanted to experience it myself.

And so this abundant, decadent plate symbolized the final evening of my three week U.S. adventure. So full of taste, variety and fun!

I seriously had the best time eating my way through the U.S., meeting lots of new Umamimart-related peeps and falling in love with California.
No matter how hard I try though, I probably can’t help thinking back all the time, destroying all the original memories and replacing them with sugar-coated dreams.

But one thing’s for sure: I’ll be back!

Before I go into this week’s tear-jerking post, I am fortunate to tell you that all my peeps in Japan are fine, but my thoughts are with everyone who is affected by the earthquake. This is truly awful, sad, and devastating for all of us. Japan may be well-equipped to handle the situation technologically, but if you can, please donate to Red Cross, or Japan Society’s Earthquake Relief Fund, or buy Lady Gaga’s wristband for the relief.  This is the time for everyone to help out! Japan, you will recover!

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When I bring home-baked goods to work, cook for friends, or entertain large groups and host big parties, people often tell me, “You are so Martha,” or “OMG, you should definitely sell these desserts!”  I never thought I had that kind of talent, since i mostly like to cook and bake to relieve stress. Anyway, we’re talking about MARTHA, the goddess of homemaking.  How can I compare myself to her?!  Yet, come to think of it, I bake, I cook, I knit, I arrange flowers, and I do a lot of homemaking stuff creatively, in fun, economic ways, as you can see some of my stuff below.

Structured flower arrangements for a work event:

A flower arrangement at my work’s entrance way (this taller than six feet, by the way):

This winter’s cowl creation. Bold cabling for a manly guy like myself:

I knit this because I saw a beautiful cowl at the Burberry store, which was $350, and thought I could recreate it myself.

A broach made out of embroidery threads, using braiding technique:

I can also dress a kimono properly. This was for a friend’s wedding. Yes, this was the dress for my wedding cake challenge.

What do you think, am I Martha enough?

Back in January, I happened to watch her show, and that’s where I was awakened. Martha announced, “I am looking for ReMarthable people, who are just like me, creative, innovative, and marketable in homemaking. Submit your entry by February 18, and you have a chance to win a BMW X3 customized by ME!”

I was hooked, not so much about the prize, but the whole concept that she is looking for someone just like her. I convinced myself that she was telling ME, Yamahomo, that I MUST submit my creations to be the next Martha. After all, she is getting old and her brand is solely herself, and there could only be one successor: ME!

I pondered long and hard about what I could submit to enter the contest. It’s hard to differentiate yourself  from other talents out there. Sure, I semi-professionally arrange flowers, and I can knit, but people who go on her show for crafts are quite highly-skilled.

So it came down to either cooking or baking. She is looking for an amateur who could create something great. Though I have come up interesting cooking ideas, I usually suck at creating recipe since I just add this or that and never in the same way next time I make it.

Then I thought, how about my MO-Desserts? [My desserts made with rice flour = MOchi-ko = MO!]

As you know, I obsessed over my MO creations. I went on a rampage, starting with the MOffins. Then came the CreMO Brulée, MOdeleines, and most recently MOcarons. They are all great, giving new textures and flavors to some of the most popular desserts. On top of that, the cultural bonding of these creations will definitely hit her sweet spots, especially since she loves Japan. Using Asian ingredients to create Western desserts–how brilliant! So I made up my mind and one evening, I cooked all four of my MO-Desserts for a photo shoot the next day.

My kitchen was a factory that evening. First, I made the MOcaron shells, and while they dried on the counter, I mixed the MOffin batter and put them in oven. Meanwhile, I made the MOdeleine batter, but as you remember, the batter has to rest so I decided to bake them next morning.

While all the bakings are being done, I made CreaMO Brulée on the stove. Such hard labor for just a few photos! I could have bought all of these things pre-made, and pretended that I made them.But that’s not me. When you present something to Martha, it must all be the real thing. She sees through everything. This is the power of Martha.

Once everything was baked and cooled, I was ready for the photo shoot. I bought a nice plate, and instead of taking individual pictures of each item, I thought it would be more impressive to have everything together.

We decided that the above picture is too Martha magazine-ish, so we decided to go with the image below.

I also had to come up with 250 words of why I am ReMarthable. I involved my friends and after a couple of back and forth exchanges, on February 17, a day before the deadline, I submitted the picture and the text below.

+++

Hi Martha,

My name is Ryohei YamaMOto. I was born and raised in Japan but am now a proud New Yorker.

Most days you can find me wearing a hand-made bowtie, preparing to entertain in the kitchen. I have several friends who– besides calling me the Japanese Martha– have adopted gluten-free diets for health reasons. This could be disastrous in the dessert department, as most American desserts rely heavily on wheat flour. But I’ve developed a ReMarthable specialty that blends Japanese culture and ingredients with Western dessert classics.

Instead of wheat flour I use rice flour (mochiko). It’s healthy, really easy to use in baking, and it’s delicious! Through a lot of trial and error I have developed MO-Desserts.

In addition to MOffins, creMO brulee and MOdelaines, my signature MO-Dessert is the MOcaron.  I have been refining both the taste and the baking process. MOcarons can be temperamental creatures, but I have now perfected the recipe for delicious flavors like matcha (green tea) and kinako (roasted soy powder)!

People love to experience the cultural and culinary merger of Japanese ingredients and Western foods.  When I share the cooking and baking process and the delectable final products, everyone tells me I am truly ReMarthable. Or is it ReMOrthable?!

Best,

Ryohei YamaMOto

+++

So I was done with submission, and very skeptical about it.

The next day, around 1:30pm, I received an e-mail from the show’s production assistant.

+++

Hi,

Thank you for your submission to our ReMarthable contest. We are currently reviewing submissions and are considering yours!  Please email us a high resolution photo of yourself and your submission photo, as well as the best phone number to reach you at. The photo resolution must be at least 300 dpi or 1920 x 1080 pixels. If you’re unsure of the photo resolution, still pass along the best quality photo you have. Please send the photos by Monday.

I know this is short notice so thank you in advance for the quick response. If you have any questions, please feel free to email us.  We look forward to hearing from you!

+++

I didn’t see the message until Saturday afternoon, and I had a dinner party Friday night, and talked about my submission, etc.  I didn’t think I would make it at all, but all my friends were very encouraging.

When I saw the message, I FREAKED out.  I was making Peking Duck at the moment, and I was like, “Joly shit, I need to find a professional photographer to take a picture of me!”  Since I had a couple of friends that night to taste the duck, as soon as they arrived, I consulted with them what to do, what to wear, where to take a photo of me, etc. My heart was pounding already.

We came to conclusion that I shouldn’t take a professional photo of me, since the product picture (above) looks semi-professional, and sending a professional headshot may be too much.

So I took this picture in front of the Peking Duck being roasted in the oven, and sent it out.

Then I checked out the official rule book of the contest. According to it, potential finalists will be notified on or about March 2nd via email. For two weeks, I waited and waited and waited more, thinking about what to wear, which bow tie to match which shirt, how to tell Martha I should succeed her show, etc.

On March 2nd, I was beside myself, looking at my phone, checking my email every two minutes. Nothing happened.

I was pissed off, especially since I thought about this a lot, and realized my potential, but she didn’t, or couldn’t. How could I talk about my creativity in 250 words? I should have sent her other creations and should have told her that I can do ANYTHING! I was telling my friends that I will bring this whole idea to Rachel Ray and she will totally dig it. At that point, my feelings toward Martha were definitely sour.

On March 3rd, I was totally depressed, but carried on the day as usual. I didn’t even check my phone, nor e-mail all day.

I went out for drinks with a friend for happy hour, and as we were walking to a bar I realized I hadn’t checked my phone at all that day. So I opened my phone, and there was a voice mail from someone I didn’t know. I checked the message, and it was from Martha’s people.

“Hi, my name is so and so, please give me a call at your earliest convenience.”

I dropped my bag on the street, screamed a little, shaked a lot, and immediately checked my email. There was a message from an administrator of the contest, that I WAS CHOSEN AS A POTENTIAL FINALIST and they need to run a background check, so they needed my social security number.

Holy shit. HOLY SHIT!!!

I sent my SSN right away. The next day, I spoke with the person who left voice mail the day before.

Martha’s rep: Hi, how are you? [She pronounced my name almost correctly, which was definitely a good sign]
Me: I am very fine, thank you.
Rep: So you are chosen as one of the potential finalist for ReMarthable contest, and I need to ask you a couple of questions.
Me: That is so great!
Rep: First, I know you are in New York, but can you basically walk to the studio on March 28, 29, and 30?
Me: Definitely.
Rep: And if you do win the contest, you will be given BMW X3, and you need to pay $5,000 in taxes, can you pay for that?
Me: Whatever Martha customizes, I will pay for at any price.
Rep: Great. Ok, we will decide the finalists by the end of next week, and I will let you know either way.
Me: Thank you so much, and I am looking forward to hearing from you!

My knees were shaking, I thought my future was set. I will be traveling with Martha to all the fun places, enjoying cocktails at her home parties, making MOcarons with her in her gorgeous kitchen, guiding her through Japanese towns, and heck, she will visit my mom’s house and enjoy her home-cooking meal as well and we will all totally be BFF!

Over the weekend, I made more MOcarons. While I mixed the batter, I practiced what I would say about how I came up with my MO-Desserts, rice flour and kinako. Should I talk about it from a celiac disease angle, or nut allergies, or should I stick to Asian/Western combination, or what else could I make using rice flour. My head was filled with Martha.

Monday passed, then Tuesday passed without any updates.

I was hopeful in one moment, then totally pessimistic a minute later. I was thinking how many “potential” finalists were chosen, and calculated my chances on being in the final five. I was also a bit suspicious since I wasn’t being interviewed over the phone.  If I were the producer of the show, I would want to speak with potential finalist personally, especially with my Asian face, who knows if I can even speak English.

This was all clouding my head. Maybe I was the contingency, since I can walk to the studio?  If better finalists can’t make it to the city, I would be chosen?  NO! Yamahomo, don’t think that way, she should totally choose you since you are awesome. There are 3,400 entries, and I am probably in the top ten, which is already super great, so even if I don’t get chosen, it is a great experience.

NO she MUST pick me since I am destined to be the next Martha.

This is basically what went through my head every minute on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.

On Wednesday afternoon, my phone rang.  Yes, it was from the show’s people. This is it. This is the phone call to decide my entire future!

Me: Hello?
Martha Rep: Hi, this is so and so from Martha show, how are you?
Me (with a shaky voice): I am fine thank you.
Rep: Once again, thank you so much for your submission. Unfortunately we didn’t choose you as the finalist of ReMarthable, but I wanted to let you know since I am sure you were anxious to know the result.
Me: That’s too bad, but I totally understand…
Rep: I am sorry, but please keep trying, and keep baking!
Me: Thank you.

And it was over… I was rejected.

Surprisingly, I wasn’t in a state of suicidal, nor crying, nor punching someone. I was actually happy. This was my first ever submission to any type of contest in my WHOLE life, and if I were to be chosen now, I can totally see myself becoming Charlie Sheen within two years. Fame should be built up, not come in a second like Snooki.

Also this experience gave me a lot of confidence in myself. Whatever I create for fun, for guests, for colleagues, I have the potential to make it into something ReMarthable.

Having said that, what went wrong?

A.) Obviously others were better than mine.
B.) I was too good to be included in “amateur” category.
C.) My background check didn’t pass.

I want to think it was B, but for now, I will settle for A. We should all tune in the end of this month, and see if it turns out that:

A.) Yep, their stuff is definitely cooler than mine
B.) WTF, I don’t understand why I wasn’t chosen

And I am not going to lie, I am still hoping one of the finalists gets injured and I will be called upon as a back-up.

Dear Martha: I will be back.

I’ve been a bit nostalgic these days, with the end of the decade approaching… any minute now. It’s a heavy load! The 00′s have certainly been a heartstopping (OBAMA!) slash heartbreaking (9/11) decade. Sigh. It’s over.

As I have thought heavily on the best films (IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE, dir. Wong Kar-wai), books (PATTERN RECOGNITION, by William Gibson) and albums (YOSHIMI BATTLES THE PINK ROBOTS, The Flaming Lips) of the decade, I naturally have pondered the best food moments. Tony Bourdain summed it up eloquently in his op-ed piece in the NY Times on Sunday, most notably applauding Jonathan Gold’s unprecedented Pulitzer. Holler.

The single most defining food moment in the last decade, imo? I’m gonna say the birth of the word, “locavore“– more as a concept, less as a literal term. Supporting independent farmers, CSAs, building your own garden, and shopping at your local farmer’s market is SO IMPORTANT, and is no longer a hippie cliche. In the next decade, I’d love to see the masses skip out on Whole Foods and frequent the farmer’s market more often. Make the effort!!! It’s worth it, on so many levels.

In my own personal life, I’ve had a hellava decade, full of wondrous, curious, delightful, and at times soul-churning food moments. I’ve thought long and hard about this– here are the highlights:

2000. Padova, IT. My first time in Europe, in a city I would call home for the next year. I ate so many goddamn pizzas that year, at a spot right around the corner from my dorm room. My favorite, to this day, is the tuna and onion, with an egg cracked on top right when it comes out of the oven. Ahhhhh. Pass the chili oil please!

2001. London. Leslie and I went to some fancy schmancy hotel to experience this thing they call High Tea. Of course, we order the real deal tea set– dainty, crustless cucumber sandwiches and all. We’re prepared to spend at least $100 each and dreading the bill, when the unspeakable happens: we find a long strand of black hair in the clotted cream. While this is something neither of us would ever complain about in our regular lives, we’ve heard about the high standards of British customer service and see how much we could push it. We walked out without paying a pound. Amazing.

2002. New Orleans. Po’ boys, Pimm’s cups, beignets. More important than ever to support this monumental food city, post-KATRINA.

2003. NYC. Family friends take me to the Grand Central Oyster Bar, on our way up to catch a Yankees game in the Bronx. While watching the cooks make lobster bisque right in front of us at the raw bar, we could see commuters rush to catch their trains in the mezzanine of the station. It is the quintessential New York City eatery.

2005. NYC. I meet up with my exbf at a downtown bar for the first time since the breakup, after months of no contact. So awkward and dreadful. Heartbreak. We part ways at the subway stop and I walk to Great NY Noodletown, where I cry (ok, ball) over a bowl of their wonton noodles, alone. Everyone looks over, but just ignores me, true NYer style. That bowl of soup, those NYers, and the city healed me that night.

2006. Voyage through India. As someone who never had much exposure to Indian food growing up, I was simply astounded by the depth and complexity of the cuisine. The marriage of spices, the hotness of flavors, and such vibrant, colorful vegetables at the market simply blew my mind (above pic taken at Crawford Market in Mumbai– I love the way the tomatoes and onions are perfectly lined up, and the vendor sits so silent, so still). In Nagpur, I had, hands down, the best yogurt of my life. It came in a ceramic pot and tasted of gold. On the flip side, I got violently ill from a yogurt drink I bought off the street in Mumbai. Mo warned me about the streetfood, but I wouldn’t listen!

2007. Yountville, CA. French Laundry. Course Four. The server came by and opened something resembling a jewel box. Spotlight! Inside was a nub of white truffle, no bigger than a baby’s fist. Full of concentration, she took the piece out of the box, and began shaving it meticulously over each of our dishes. She was moving from my plate to my brother’s, when something happened. She DROPPED the truffle onto the floor. CATASTROPHE!!! A frenzy ensued in the High House of Thomas Keller, and I heard one of the staff say something about throwing the piece out. HA!!! It was literally the cost of a small diamond ring. Priceless moment.

2007. NYC. I bought myself a Le Creuset dutch oven. It is green. Her name is Ruby. I use her often to make soups and bread. Perhaps my best purchase of the decade??

2008. NYC. My birthday. After a show at the Village Vanguard, @totallymatt, Solmaz and I cab it to Great NY Noodle Town where we feasted on noodles, dumplings, roasted duck and everything else on the menu. It was 2am. This place has always been there for me, in good times, and bad. I LOVE YOU GNYNT!

2009. Petaluma, CA. Erin and I went to a chicken farm to slaughter some roosters, to mark her entrance into the meat-eating world. Let’s just say it was TRUE BLOOD intense.

2009. SF. I convinced a vegan friend to try a piece of chicharron (fried pork rind). He knew exactly what it was– it was not a trick. Call it my powers of persuasion.

The most IMPORTANT food occasion in my life of the 00′s? Starting UMAMIMART, of course!!! Hard to believe it’s been almost three years, and it’s still going strong. Stronger than ever, in fact! I could not have kept this going for so long without all the UM dedicated contributors, and loyal readers. LOVE YOU ALL VERY MUCH.

Special shouts to my columnists, who write regularly, with such enthusiasm and love: Paystyle (Happy Hour), Yamahomo (ReCPY), Yoko (Tokyo JUNKtion) and Erin (Culinography). You all make UM a fun place to be.

2010. A new site– I promise. It will be Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. YESSS!!! Let’s do this. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! xxk (Cupertino, CA).

One year ago today, I broke up with New York City. I sold all my furniture, packed up all my things into many, many boxes and with the help of Erin, managed to clean and just barely move out of my darling little Brooklyn studio. A year ago. Today.

I showed up to NYC in 2002 just out of college with one suitcase. No friends. No apartment. No job. But the city took me in, held me, consoled me. Loved me. And I loved it back. But it wasn’t always a candy-coated wonderland. We fought a lot– NYC can be so harsh, spiteful. At times abusive.

Like any all-consuming, all-too-comfortable relationship, it was the hardest act of my life to pick up and leave the city. It took a lot of haggling, ball-busting and heart-breaking. It would yell at me, “You can’t leave me, you have such a great life here!” Some days I would cry, “You’re right. We know each other so well. I love you so much.” But then gradually I would simply scream back, “Fuck you, I hate you. What did I ever see in you??”

It’s been a blur of a year here in Techyland Suburbia. I’ve watched countless hours of television and literally did not leave the house for months. Instead of images of past lovers, often the last thing that would flitter through my mind before dozing off to sleep have been visions of yellow cabs zooming down Broadway and Houston, the Adidas store on one side, and the Angelika right around the corner.

How fucked up is that?

To this day, I still get phone calls, emails, texts from friends asking me where to eat. “I’m in Chelsea and craving a taco, where should I go?” It is with a level of pride, true New Yorker pride, that I can still suggest, quite accurately, where to go. It is priceless information, and it’s a gift that New York bestows upon people who are truly obsessed with eating. I’ve got the gift!

What now, though? I suppose it’s time for me to turn off the tv, take all the boxes in the garage that I never bothered unpacking from NYC and move out of my parent’s house. Will I ever know the Bay Area food scene as intimately as I know NYC’s?

New York, I miss you. I’ll never forget you. But you know I had to leave you. Your sushi, pho, and burritos just weren’t cutting it for me. Please let me go. xxxxxk

*Song by LCD Soundsystem, NY I Love You, But You’re Bringing Me Down. Thanks, @totallymatt.

**Above photo: Last NYC supper at Two Tom’s in Brooklyn.

***Kayoko currently lives in Cupertino, CA. She will be baking some of her famous Break-Up Bread to commemorate this one-year anniversary.