Remember when I made kimchi fried rice? It has become my staple meal when I feel ultra lazy. Read: ALL THE TIME.

So how panicked was I when I went to the kitchen yesterday to take out all the precious ingredients out of the fridge, but then realize that I was missing RICE.

Epic FAIL. As @Jerkey pointed out, “What self-respecting Japanese person does not have rice at hand at all times??”

Apparently, this Japanese person.

I literally didn’t have anything to eat other than kimchi, sausages, egg, green onions and… PASTA?!?!??? Could I do it? More importantly, should I do it? It really sounded assnasty but thought it was worth an experiment, umamimart style.

It couldn’t be far off from, say, japchae, right? Oh god, so off-course already.

Side note: the Japanese are known to add the wackiest, unheard of stuff with pasta- enough to make a Sicilian mama cry in her bed at night with shame and sorrow. See Yamahomo’s recipe with furikake here, and Yoko’s karasumi pasta with baby sea creatures here (actually, I believe this is a Sardinian dish in origin, so mama, stop crying).

Basically I did everything the same exact way as I would make the fried rice.

Sautee the kimchi, green onions, sausages.

Add the PASTA. Oh god, here we go.

I like to add extra kimchi juice cause apparently I like my pasta TRUE BLOOD SAUCY.

Even after the kimchi juice though, it was lacking the umph factor (UMAMI). So I added two god-foresaken condiments: tonkatsu sosu (Japanese worcestershire) and kewpie mayo.

Cue Sicilian mama sob sounds.

The little white glob here would be the mayo.

Let’s meditate on the grossness of these additions for a moment. Squeal if necessary.

In support of high cholesterol, I added a barely-cooked fried egg. Mmm… Shave over some parmigiano (ok, ok, this one came out of a green tube) and crack some pepper. Et voila!

And you know, it wasn’t bad!! I think the next time I feel like having noodles instead of rice (which is to say most of the time), I will make this again. Definitely do not need the tonkatsu sauce, that was so unnecessary. But the mayo gave the whole thing some depth and texture, so that was a good call.

What do you think, folks? Yay or Nay??

PS- I am just seeing that our friend Ambitious Deliciousness just made kimchi pasta earlier this month. Her’s is much prettier, but I do feel a bit more validated for making this. Holler.

*Kayoko lives in Cupertino, CA. Her sole goal in life at the moment is to be a kickass bartender. And then, take over the world by getting everyone drunk.

Looks like we’re celebrating carbs here at UM, as this rice post is back to back with Yoko’s mugi-toro don! Ain’t nothin’ wrong with carbs, people- get over it!!! Kimchi fried rice is my new favorite dish to cook up at home- it takes seven minutes to make from start to finish (I timed it), and it’s just so heartwarming, and most importantly, EASY. Last week, I made this dish not once, but twice. How’s that for lazy.*

So all you need is kimchi, green onions, some sausage (I always have little Kurobuta links in my fridge, but you can also substitute with ham, or spam, or nothing at all if you prefer) and an egg. The egg is mucho importante- it brings another dimension to the dish so don’t skip this.

Chop onions, kimchi and sausages like so:

Sautee sausage with some oil:

Add onions and kimchi and sautee for about a minute. Dump in rice. Pour some kimchi juice over the rice- not too little or the dish will be bland, but not too much or it’ll turn out too salty.

Sautee altogether for another minute or two, until the rice starts getting a little crispy around the edges (like the stone pot for bibimbap!).

Now, scoop the rice onto your bowl or plate. Take a paper towel and wipe off any fried rice debris, but don’t wash the pan- the sausage fat is important for frying the egg. Plop egg into pan as you desire- I like mine sunny side up.

Slip the egg on top of the rice. That’s it!!! An awesome dish full of flavor and protein that takes less than ten minutes to make. How awesome is this??

*At the expense of my laziness, I wonder if using kimchi in this way is in any way considered a cultural faux pas. Sort of like dumping rice in miso soup in the Japanese culture- everyone does it in the privacy of their own homes, but is it really a no-no???

Also, is it kimchi or kimchee???

Assorted veggies, or “namul”, chwee namul which is some kind of vegetable that I don’t know the English name and fiddle head ferns + roasted asparagus.

Kimchi soup. Yes there a plain soup version rather than a stew. Much lighter and basically broth and in this case with clams added.

One of my favorite Korean foods, mook. Somehow jelly is made out of acorns but I swear it’s not disgusting but it is actually flavorless. But somehow with a soy based sauce, extra crunchy seaweed, sweet bell pepper and pea shoot, it becomes amazing.

Yakshik, which is sweetened sticky rice mixed with sugar, soy sauce, pine nuts, raisins and chestnuts. Usually there are dates added but I just like the plain version. I realize that the descriptions of all these foods don’t sound so appetizing, but when you are used to it you love it!

Below is his analysis of the head-to-head match-ups, posted from an email.

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Aw man, this is better than the tourney!

King Taco vs. Taco Zone
My bookies tell me that KT is favored to take the whole thing.

Yuca’s vs. Cactus Taqueria
This is predicted to be a close one, probably because not a lot of people have heard of them. I’m more familiar with the quality that Yuca’s has produced in the past, so I had to give them the nod.

Kogi vs. Tito’s Tacos
This is closer than it should be. Kogi is the oddmakers favorite right now because they’re new to the game and they’ve been getting the job done. Tito’s also has a love/hate relationship with its own supporters, so they’re not going to make up any points to Kogi once they fall behind. Looks like Kogi is taking this one.

Tacos Por Favor vs. Tacos Baja Ensenada
Although Tacos Por Favor vs. Tacos Baja Ensenada is close, TPF will pull away late in the game, as they always do. People realize that TBE is just not the same as it once was.

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As you can clearly see, the man’s taco game is solid. Personally I think Mexico’s reign over the L.A. taco kingdom is seriously threatened by the Koreans, as Kogi’s innovative approach could prove too much for any defense to handle. Home court advantage is not what it used to be.

If you thought that life could not get any better than the fake paninis produced by the George Foreman Lean Mean Grilling (Grillin’ ?) Machine, you would be wrong. Because life did get better. Did you ever think that one day a home fryer would employ the principle of centrifugal force to “knock out (up to) 55% of fat absorbed during frying?” Well dreams do come true.

I’ve wanted a “Lean Mean Spin Frying Machine” ever since my friend told me about watching an episode of Oprah in which all audience members received one. He described it to me in detail and we both envisioned the future full of corndogs and zesty Arby style fries.

Well I took everything apart.

This was kind of overly complicated, huge and heavy.

I tested three items, Korean mandoo (dumplings) was first, Pulmone brand. Pulmone is organic I believe and usually my favorite brand of Korean foodstuffs. But I will go ahead and say that the crappier brands taste better.

Load up the frying basket like a normal fryer.

I read all these comments about the basket being too small on Amazon, but quite honestly I don’t think it was. Comment gems include:
“…this machine looks great on my counter next to my stainless steel appliances.”
That’s not true it’s really ugly. Also it’s sort of an embarrassing food appliance, like the Magic Bullet.

“My 15-year-old daughter saw me making her chicken in the fryer and said oh great you are going to make me fat. I told her no it spins the oil out of it. She toke (sic) 1 bite and said this chicken is the best, show me how to use it.”

“Now I don’t feel guilty about letting kids eat French fries! I can make Happy Meals at my own house…We now spend quality time cooking together.”

I just told my sister that the average fat reduction is 38%. She said,”It tastes like more than that.” As a negative.

This is the spin cycle in action. I didn’t really read the instruction manual so it kind of takes me a moment to figure it out.

I spun the mandoo for 2 minutes on high. They basically look like regular fried “goon mandoo” but were seriously super dry tasting! But maybe not in a good way! It’s so bizarre because the texture is normal fried but it tastes baked.

I just ordered these tempura paper things offline.

Does this look like 38% to you?

You know what this means?

Mentaiko mayo! Fish eggs mixed with mayo = best french fry dip imaginable.

This mentaiko wasn’t even good but once it was mixed with the mayo…

My preferred fry brand is Ore-Ida, particularly the “Crispers.” Yes I actually have test fried many of their products so I definitely recommend them. Sometimes I love going to regular grocery stores because you can’t get soda and crappy American brands at my usual grocery stores.

They were amazing.

Finally, the last item was TGIF brand mozzarella sticks (~~**luxury**~~).

I think I spun it too high because mozzarella cheese exploded out of a couple of them. They tasted too baked and not unhealthy enough which is not true because they are still really caloric.

Do I recommend this fryer? Yes I do. Did I suffer a mild heart attack later that night? Yes I did.

The place was on the 2nd floor, and was small, but packed. Lots of big groups of vibrant, young women, old businessmen getting drunk, people on dates- the variety was great.

You sit on these trash can like seats- you can open up the lid to drop in your coat. Great idea for those of us who don’t want to end up wreaking of garlic and smoke out in the real world.

Assorted banchan.

Slabs of fatty pork. Look at that! Unreal!!!

The guy came around and cut all the pork up into little pieces. Grilling kimchee was great too. The actual grill is on a peg, so it tilts forward, draining all the fat. Ingenius.

Wrap with unlimited lettuce and spicy slivers of scallions.

They also had a big leaf, kkaenip, which is sort of the Korean shiso, often dubbed “sesame leaf.”

We also ordered the cold buckwheat noodles- a personal favorite.

Tubs of kimchee.

We didn’t get this, but the fried rice the guy across from us was eating looked damn good. They just loaded the grill up with white rice, and it soaked up all the pork fat. YUM!!!

MAHO!

Ton-chan
Fukutomi Bldg., 2nd & 3rd fls.
2-13-14 Akasaka Minato-ku
Tokyo, Japan 107-0052
T: 03-5573-9272

*Bibim means to rub/mix, kooksu is noodles. So literal.