Oh great, here we go again. Another blog post about Japanese food packaging design.

But you know what? The reality is that the Japanese kick our butts many times over when it comes to intelligent, fun and groundbreaking ways to wrap something edible. Ok, so there actually are American designers at work behind the scenes from time to time, but it’s often the Japanese who sees something insignificant, picks it up and turns it into something fun.

This weekend I attended a music festival in Denmark as I was designing the stage decor for a Danish pop group. I hate festivals. Too many people in too little space, including cigarettes, beer and endless gallons of freely distributed omnipresent pee. The food was in the same league so I fled the scene and found a nice little sushi place away from the madness.

And this is where I came across this lovely bottle of Japanese soda fizz Ramune:

An ice marble is caught in the bottle neck, that works as an airtight bottle closer. You take it out of the freezer/fridge and push the lid down on top–the marble falls down and you can pour out the liquid.

According to Wikipedia, this design was invented by the American Hiram Codd who had thought of this in 1873 (!). Patent license was granted for lots of companies, but the Japanese soda Ramune is one of the most famous users of the original concept. Ramune comes in over 30 flavours, but this was the original one–the taste is quite similar to Sprite.

The ice marble rolls around inside, tinkling against the glass, keeping a constantly visually interesting presence in the room.

Caramel Corn
Quite well known from Japanese convenience stores, the Caramel Corn bag from the company Tohato has a distinct design. It comes in many flavours (hence the various colours) but the concept remains the same; the bag is a fat little food monster who fills his stomach with caramel corn which you can see through his circle round mouth.

It’s pure genius at work here–very simple and eye-catching, fun and weird. The bag monster looks neither happy nor sad. It just eats corn so you can tear its guts open and eat from its insides. It looks like a living thing on the shelf and brings life to the store which it inhabits.

The backside is boring though. Massive amount of listed ingredients/added crap takes up all space which in itself should be a warning sign.

Perhaps this is why I never opened this bag to sample the corn. But this is the Packaging Whore column and taste is not the priority.

Annie’s Peace Pasta & Parmesan

Everything with a bunny on is just adorbz, no argument there. In fact, for my next birthday I want a chainsaw with a bunny on it, the casing preferably glossy pink with pearl effect. It could also have small woolen bunnies hanging from the handle to sort of soften the aggressive, masculine look of the saw and also to act as a conversation starter if you’re out in the woods and accidentally bump into a sexy lumberjack and you guys have nothing to talk about.

Anyway, back to the box which is a crazy mess of tie dye hippie hell design. This is in spite of Bernie, the “Rabbit of Approval”.

What I like about this box is the opening instructions on the side.

I mean, how often to you get the chance to put your finger on/inside a rabbit’s butt?

Now that you ask, quite often in Denmark actually. Sex with animals is legal by law here unless you can visibly see that you’re hurting the animal. There are actually farms where you can go and rent a cow for an hour for a good time. Is that weird?

This bunny is waiting for it though–how else are you going to your hands on the Peace Pasta?

Will the world be a better place when pasta is shaped like a peace sign? Will the global world leaders sit down and agree to be nice to each other? Will African military leaders stop raping children and kill everything alive after a peace session with Bernie here? Probably not. But at least they get a cool looking meal before getting back to their busy schedule of being evil.

Pocky Chocolate Red Dog edition

I’ve been saving this for months before getting the chance to post about it. So excited about this design–it is the epitome of sillyness and a great example of Japanese packaging design at its best: pointless but great fun.

“Tsurettete” (つれてって): bring me with you, the dog says. Which is what you do.

How? The back of the box has a dog on it with perforated lines along its paws so you can push them out and swing them around and out–gripping the edge of a pocket or a bag from where the dog hangs.

Ok, so why would you want to walk around with a customized Pocky bag dog looking out of your shopping basket? Well, why wouldn’t you?

It’s cool and funky–just yous and da dogg’z hanging out down the mall. What a great conversation starter when you’re out walking your Pocky dog, accidentally bumping into that cute French bulldog owner from next door.

You can even offer him a bite of your Pocky.

Someday, I would seriously like to study exactly why these rice-addicted island people is so good at design. Where do they get their ideas from? Japan is such a harsh, group pressure-filled society–so from where do they develop this strength and playfulness in their work? What makes them grow up to sit in an office and create stuff that makes you think they do nothing but LSD in between their infamously long business meetings?

It’s all very interesting and I might be researching more on this subject and share it with you guys in the future. You can never get enough tips about being creative.

Thank you yet again, Japan.

When visiting Chicago for the first time last year, I of course had Intelligenstia Coffee as a must-go destination. Sure, they’ve got a super spiffy space in Venice (LA) now, but Intelligentsia originally hails from Chi-town, so I wanted to make sure to stop by. This is when I discovered artist Timothy Breen.

I saw this cup, and had to have it. I ended up buying all seven that they had in stock. I figured I would disperse them between friends as gifts–it is one of a kind, a unique, smaller-sized cup, and the design is so playful. “All good children go to heaven,” it says, and the Intelligentsia logo nonchalantly floats above the figure. I simply adore it–it was even featured in Juxtapoz mag!

When Yoko and I started brainstormed ideas for our Umamimart mug, we immediately thought of this cup. Could we do something similar? We had no idea how to go about putting a design on a cup though, and ran into many walls trying to figure it out.

With a little digging, I figured out that Timothy Breen was the one who created the cup design, and I reached out to him for advice. He was so gracious and shared a ton of info with me as to how he went about executing his mug project for Intelligentsia. In many ways, our mug, designed by Anders Arhøj, is indebted to Timothy and his immense helpfulness.

They make a cute couple, no?

Since then, Timothy and I have stayed in touch, and he recently sent me a box of fancy Gyokuro tea, that Intelligentsia had just released. Officially, this is called “Intelligentsia Reserve Teas: Precious Jade Dew (Gyokuro)“:

It is one in a line of five specialty teas that Intelligentsia has released. Timothy worked with another graphics person at Intelligentsia to come up with this design. I love the minimal look of it: the bright orange and turquoise color combination, the brown box, the sparse font. It is excellently packaged.

Here’s Timothy on how he came up with the packaging for this tea:

My inspiration for these packages starts with the tea itself. I will usually drink some with our tea buyer to get a sense of thedrinks personality; if its aggressive or deep in flavor, bright or sweet. those things can easily translate into color and form.

The Gyukuro was so savory and enveloping, hypnotizing almost, like swimming through a kelp forest. For the whole set I needed to create a design that was immediately recognizable as an Intelligentsia Reserve but could serve as a vehicle for evolving psychedelic imagery. I like the idea of releasing a stream of products in little batches that never look exactly the same.

Traditional tea pouch with zipper seal for freshness.

This was harvested in Spring 2010, in Uji (Kyoto, Japan).

Gyokuro is considered to be the supreme type of green tea. I’ll let you read about it here, in the insert that came in the box (click to enlarge). They use the word UMAMI!

Yoko showed us how to prepare sencha, remember? Here’s what Intelligentsia suggests to prepare their Gyokuro.

It interests me how Western companies try to market and brand teas from the Far East. While many end up with cheesy branding (oh, you know, “The Orient”), Timothy nailed this–his design is whimsical, modern and understated.

As for the tea itself, it is vegetal, savory, deep. Straight Umami!

Thanks Timothy for the tea! Cheers!

I regretfully report that Anders, aka Skankynavia and Packaging Whore columnist, is on sabbatical for the next few weeks, and will be returning in mid-March. Sorry, Martians! I know you all adore his posts, but our resident SkankMaster will be hibernating for the rest of the winter. It’s chilly up there in SkankyLand.

I’ll be filling in for him in the meantime. Hooray!!! Please allow me to revert to my childhood self and delve into the geeky world of anime fandom here today. I bring to you the one-cup sake by Chiyomusubi brewery. It’s GeGeGe no Kitaro!!!

I confess that the only reason I bought these were for its labels. GeGeGe no Kitaro (ゲゲゲの鬼太郎) is a manga created by Shigeru Mizuki from 1959. It’s all about a little ghost boy named Kitaro, and his quirky world full of goblins and “Medama Oyaji” (Kitaro’s father, literally a walking eyeball). See Dad on top of Kitaro’s hat? He can be interpreted as Kitaro’s right eye. So perverse.

Chiyomusubi brewery even gave Eyeball Dad his own sake, called Oyaji:

The one-cup sake packaging design deserves a Packaging Whore post in itself, although it gets a pretty bad rap by “serious” sake connoisseurs. They are simply individual 180ml cups of sake (a little less than an American “cup”), that are perfectly portable. Here is what Yoko says about the one-cup sake phenomenon (specifically by Ozeki brewery, creator of the one-cup):

According to Japanese wikipedia, the product was released on October 10, 1964 (the first day of the Tokyo Olympics) and revolutionized the way people drank sake. The slogan「いつでも、どこでも飲める」“Drink anywhere, anytime” was targeted to young people whose image of sake was not necessarily confined to the more traditional isshobin (bottle) or tokkuri (sake flask).

But the product didn’t really take off until 1967 when vending machines selling alcohol started to proliferate rapidly throughout Japan. It wasn’t a coincidence that 1967 was also the year that Japanese government added the current design of the 100 yen coin to their lineup of legal tender.

Pull-cap for easy opening.

GeGeGe no Kitaro went from a comic magazine page onto the television screen in 1968, then again in 1971, then resurrected once again in 1985. I grew up watching the 1985 version, in color, and sharper images. I’ll never forget the opening song for the show, which is as ubiquitous in Japan as the Doraemon song (another personal favorite).

I’ve dug up the opening segment from the 60′s for your viewing pleasure:

Now compare it to the version I watched growing up (sorry no subtitles):

Now, the brewery must have paid an arm and a leg to get the rights to reproduce Kitaro onto their labels for these little one-cup sakes. But artist Mizuki is from Tottori, where the Chiyomusubi brewery is located, so this homage makes complete sense. It would be my fantasy equivalent to Heinz producing ketchup bottles with Andy Warhol labels on them (Andy is from Pittsburgh, where Heinz is headquartered). No, the Heinz box he designed does not count.

Shigeru Mizuki himself is best known in Japan for the Kitaro series and is considered a master of the yokai (ghost) genre. He was drafted into World War II, and has written a memoir about his service. It could not be a coincidence that the world he eventually created would be inhabited by ghosts and goblins. Mizuki himself made a cameo on Takashi Miike’s film The Great Yokai War in 2005.

How does the sake taste, you ask? I am no sake expert, but I found this sake to be full-bodied, floral, with a dry finish. It is a junmai ginjo, which thanks to Yoko’s post on premium sakes, we now know is pure rice wine, with only water added (no sugar, added alcohol, etc.), producing a much “bigger” sake. This sake tasted better cold, but I confess that I warmed mine up last night, as my apartment was freezing! Watch Urban Sake’s video reviews on these Kitaro sakes–Timothy is a “Sake Samurai” so I’ll let him describe the sake himself.

I myself sported the Kitaro Hair for most of my 20s. I would always tell my Japanese hairstylist in Brooklyn to make me look like Kitaro. Seriously. Here I am in Spain 2006: dance party, greasy hair and all!

The kawaii (= cute) world of Japan is a very positive dimension of happiness, beauty, bunnies, rainbows and ribbons. And not just something that contains characters, but also an aesthetic approach that appeals to your heart, with a rather feminine touch and usually a soft design that makes you go, “Awwwww, that’s so CUUUTE”. Girls wearing aprons and a hat in bakeries, colourful pictograms on bus signs, the way a piece of chocolate cake is wrapped, bundled and delivered.

It’s all cute — like we’re all in kindergarten playing post office or in a kids’ TV programme. The process of doing something becomes an iconic action with all its instruments and processes, which is something the Japanese love: rules, regulations and prescribed actions so you’re safe from doing something out of order.

And the images of kawaii always work as an eye opener for Scandinavian people living in their sterile, safe and generically-designed world. I could write a whole book on the kawaii phenomena. It’s such a deep conversation topic if you really start digging in, but I’ll just touch the surface here regarding characters and food in Japan.

In 2005 I quit my job, rented out my apartment and moved to Tokyo.

I was struck with feelings of ecstasy and wonder when stepping onto the streets of Japan for the first time. Could such a beautiful, positive world really exist in our time?

Little animals made of sugar. The shop sign calls them “birthday mascots”.

Game arcade in Tokyo: giant transparent plastic blobs contain cute little mobile straps and figurines.

Mitaka, Tokyo: cute pink lamps hanging from all lamp posts.

The first few months in Tokyo went by like a breeze. As a character designer by profession, it was truly magical to experience every morning — like walking to school on a fun ride in a cottoncandy dream. Every time you walk into a convenience store you are greeted by a happy characters on product after product. Cute and delicious: that’s what the Japanese like.

Nakano, Tokyo: notice the big billboard for English school NOVA featuring a pink rabbit with a bird’s beak.

Girls dressed as the Pikachu in Harajuku.

There did not seem to be any deep meaning in walking around like this, except that they were just bored.

Super famous candy character Peko-chan (“peko-peko” means “starving” in Japanese).

Connecting cuteness with food has the obvious reason of getting your attention. But it also tells a story about the brand, and who made it. In what ways should you appreciate specialty ramen from Osaka, or fluffy pastel ice cream? Many Japanese ad companies even throw in a character onto packaging, just because that’s what you do in the ad world.

But the kawaii-ness also contains a dark side. A hollow, shallow shell of emptiness.

Cute girl, panda character and sickness. An example where the cuteness starts to get a little weird.

Little by little, I started to have enough of it all. Like when you eat too much chocolate and become sick and throw up. The fact that all spaces in the country are covered with big eyes and forced smiles started getting on my nerves, because sometimes you just want to eat without being greeted by someone who tells you how delicious that food is. And please, no more cute bunnies on ads — I wanted calm public spaces, honest packaging, clean air, and open spaces with lots of natural light (something hard to attain in a cluttered shoebox like Tokyo).

Cake window in Nakano.

Cute little macarons, Tokyo 2005. SO ahead of the trend currently overflowing Denmark now, six years later.

However, times are changing and Japan is in serious state of flux. The economy is stalling, the aging population is rising high and since the Japanese have grown tired of sex and stopped making babies, it will be a gloomy future for the coming generations if the present doesn’t revise and reshape the system and people’s minds.

Which might also be why characters have started to be replaced with more Western influences in food packaging and shop design. Simple, clean looks with touches of Japanese but with more focus of quality, structure and order.

Qoo, orange sugar drink.

Ice cream display in Tokyo Zoo, also for grown-ups.

Plastic ice cream cones in cute pastel colours, Mt. Takao-san outside Tokyo.

You can say what you want but this scoop of green tea ice cream is nothing short of cute.

Temple festival, people standing below giant pink and red banners with cute impersonations of the food they sell, like the squid wearing a “tenugui” (head wrap).

Mr. Donut, a big donut chain in Japan, is the essence of cute.

Harajuku cafe: you order a regular iced tea for grown upss, and you get your liquid sugar served in this ridiculous little pitcher.

Cute enough to make your heart melt. Arrrrgh!!

I made it through my time in Tokyo, and I can thankfully appreciate the wackiness again. I will never abandon my love for kawaii (as long as I can stay in a safe haven outside Japan), and I hope Japan will never abandon its love for it either. Where else would you go when you need a big pink rabbit to comfort your fears of the future?

My pal Washi just got back from Japan and brought me an entire BAG full of fun omiyage (gifts)! Little booties from Muji, a pack of Nagoya-style miso udon, and a can of… kan kohi (canned coffee)?

I read it aloud, “ゴールド すっぽん スープ” aka Gold Suppon Soup.

“Turtle,” Washi translated.

Turtle soup? IN A CAN???

More specifically, this is soup of the snapping turtle aka soft shell turtle aka Trionychidae aka suppon. According to Wiki, these are fierce (and really creepy-looking) creatures known to amputate people’s fingers and hands. Suppon is considered an Asian delicacy, and is rich in nutrients, promotes healthy skin, and most commonly known for its penis-performance enhancement (think Viagra, au naturel).

In talking with Hideko (who has always been too weirded out to try suppon herself), she says that this soup is often enjoyed in nabe (stew) and the culinary history of suppon dates hundreds (thousands?) of years.

Wait, this gets better.

Washi turned this can around to reveal these numbers.

920707. You do the math. Yup, the expiration date is indeed 07/07/92!

Reminiscent of when I found that old bottle of vanilla extract in my mom’s kitchen cupboard, this can of suppon soup had been sitting in the back of Washi’s parents’ pantry for decades. Let’s assume that this can of turtle soup is, all told, at least 25 years old (given that it has at least a five year shelf life).

AMAZING! Washi says that his parents had an entire case of these cans, and they could not remember where on earth it came from.

[Start penis jokes now]

This packaging is awesome though. It’s just a little can, about as high as a standard coffee cup, about as wide as an empty toilet paper roll.

You can get corn soup in these kind of cans in Japan, sometimes from vending machines even, but suppon soup is new to me.

I love the playful typeface, which reminds me of the bygone days of Tora-san. The bottom part of the can basically says that the company chooses their own turtles for their soup, and how best to prepare it. Soup made of carefully curated turtles, yay!

The instructions on the side of the can tells me how to serve this soup. Boil, add scallions and ginger; use as the base stock for nabe; or add into a pot with an egg and rice, to make zosui (porridge).

Murakami, the company that makes this, is headquartered in Tokyo.

They still sell their canned turtle soup on their website (whoa, it’s approx. $95 for this gift set! NOT CHEAP!).

In researching suppon, I came across an old post by former Creative Commons CEO Joi Ito. He wrote about his “favorite restaurant in the whole wide world,” a Kyoto restaurant specializing in suppon, called Daiichi. They serve courses of suppon in a number of different ways (stew, soup, zosui); it all looks so special.

These posts are from 2003, so who knows if it’s still his favorite restaurant, but he did post about Daiichi twice that year. Check out the comments in this post–some are just hilarious (“I just received a horrific email that highlighted that you people are actually eating dead babies. That is just absolutely disgusting and inhumane.“). DYING.

Here is also another post of a suppon feast by Kyoto Foodie with gorgeous photos. Looks like you can eat most of the suppon. He gives a bit of the culinary history too.

I have yet to try my can of Gold Suppon Soup. It’s a little daunting to just crack it open and start experimenting with it on my own. Plus, I love the fact that it’s 20+ year old, and a part of me wants to just keep it intact forever. Maybe I can pass it on to my own kids someday.

[Insert more penis jokes here]

PREFACE
Packaging Whore: Faggy Foods (by Anders)

I’ve been a serious holiday downer this year. Even though I really do not care for religion, ya’ll know I adore Jesus, and I have done nothing to celebrate the day of his birth thus far. No gifts, no cards, no love. Shame on me!

Anders asked me to fill in for him this week. He’s the CEO of Packaging Whore now, given his sharp eye for design and aesthetics. My own eyes have been failing me these days and I haven’t really been paying much attention to packaging. California has made me sleepy. And utterly unstylish. Jesus help me.

I took a deep breath and walked into Target yesterday– oh you know, that behemoth big box retailer with the bright red bulls-eye logo that dots the American landscape, having won over the shriveling hearts of millions of consumers young and old. How did they do it? Growing up, Target was just another drug store that also happened to sell uncool clothes and cds. Now it’s the only store left standing in my humble hometown of Cupertino.

It amazes me, that almighty Target. I bet Jesus has some stock it.

So there I was, in Target yesterday lost in a sea of hundreds of devastatingly unfashionable suburban shoppers, scurrying around looking for last-minute gifts. I was on a mission to find something awesome to write about for this column. After making my third lap around the store, I was getting discouraged. Then, the seas parted. The squeaky Christmas music stopped playing and the florescent lights dimmed. I felt a tap on my shoulder. Jesus, is that you?

Behold the holiday candy section:

Sorry for the ugly iPhone pics, but LOOK AT THIS. Does this not excite you? Row upon row upon row of totally fabulous nastiness. Gross, iconic American sweets in hideous packaging. BINGO! I thought of Anders right away, namely his now-famous Faggy Foods post. Could I do a follow-up? Why I most certainly can try! (Sans his signature snide-homosexual-male perspective that we all know and love, but I’m gonna try my best to channel him here).

SOUR PATCH CANDY CANES

Nasty! And those two little characters in the bottom left corner? So not cute. These candy canes remind me of a certain male anatomy I’ve seen throughout the years: skinny, limp and sour. They never get sweet like they advertise (sour, then sweet? ALL LIES). Jesus, do something about this epidemic please, I’ve put up with them for long enough. In 2011, Sour Patch Candy Canes nevermore!

(Wait, what was I talking about again? Blank face).

PRINTED FUN POP-TARTS (Gingerbread Naturally & Artificially Flavored)

Anders swears this is a homosexual breakfast item, but ya’ll just need to keep your boys in your bed, and have HOT morning sex in your pink satin sheets instead. Then, have a cigarette for breakfast.

Skip this if the boy presents you with a Sour Patch Candy Cane. Go ahead and get your Pop-Tart.

Awww, but look at these designs printed on them…

These are “limited edition” which gives the manufacturer reason to charge $4 a box for them. Gingerbread People shovel snow and snowboard, just like us! This is just so bizarre, and gets me thinking about what Americans consider “cute”. I mean these guys, like the Sour Patch characters are SO NOT CUTE.

DECORATE A COOKIE (4 Cookies and Icing Included)

Ok, so this Santa could maybe, possibly be considered cute. Strip him of his belt, coat and hat and he could definitely pass for Jesus.

But what mother in her godforesaken mind would allow her children to play with these florescent-hued packs of icing reminiscent of Toxic Terror!? Black? Neon pink? Red? Really?

I’m all about letting kids get creative, but a hot pink Santa with jet black trim could really traumatize a young lad. Cue the Japanese salaryman’s fantasy of disco balls and chubby, fishnetted, hairy, pole-dancing Santas with hard-ons.

Slutty Hot Pink Santa Nation forever.

COLLABORATIVE AMERICAN CANDY BY CLOSET GAYS

These caught my eye– manufacturers collaborating with iconic pop images to justify selling their candy for $2+ each. You’ve got Willy Wonka branded Gobstopper “Snowballs” and a Paul Frank Crunch bar. Will someone just shoot the fucking monkey already? No really though, both Willy Wonka and the Paul Frank monkey: Super Gay. But still in the closet? Or just asexual. You have to admit, Johnny Depp was the creepiest, most convincingly gay Willy ever!

M&Ms (Dark Chocolate)

Here’s American candy packaging done right. A dark chocolate M&M vixen draped in fur and showing off her slender, shaven humanesque legs. So ridiculous. But it works! Out of all the M&M characters (different Xmas designs for different kinds: regular, peanut butter, almond, etc.), I picked this one up immediately. Love it– she’s like the Kelis of the M&M world. Her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.

BLOW POP MINIS

I saw these on my way out the door and went back and waited another 30 minutes in line for the register. I mean, I could NOT have a Faggy Foods post without Xmas Blow Pops, right?

But I just opened this up and these candies are individually bagged up. Where’s the stick?

WHAT THE HELL WHERE IS THE STICK? How dare they?!?!?!?! It’s the end of an era.

Fucking blow me, Blow Pop. I’m so mad at you!

HOLIDAY HERSHEY’S KISSES

An ode to the most perfectly packaged American candy out there– in name, in concept, in design. Genius. There are so many variations of them now– peanut butter, white chocolate, Irish Creme– but why fuck with a good thing? So classic and timeless.

SNOWMAN PEZ

I bought this cause it’s like a hybrid of Anders and Yamahomo– dandy, colorful, clean-lines and classy. My two favorite Gay Snow Martians in the galaxy!!! I’ll be popping a Pez (like a Ritalin addict) for you all weekend.

Holiday hearts to all.

xxk

PS: I just realized that this is actually the very opposite of Anders’ original Faggy Foods post, at least in aesthetics and design. His stuff was way more pink and pop and cozy. Oops. So, this is officially the ANTI-Faggy-Faggy-Foods post. Enjoy.

They’re all around you, The Fags. With their pastel-coloured yachts and pink-powered investment banker dating services. They’re also best friends with Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow, giving them advice on what to wear and whom to date (they also advise Cher on her live show outfits, but we don’t talk about that).

I belong to the glitter pack as well. And loving that or not, most people try to put us in a box anyway and label it “not suited for children under 21 or wholesome Christian families” and I guess we have ourselves to blame for it. Except that was mostly the gay generation before us. They freaked out and totally tapped the ass out of life back in the 70′s, 80′s and 90′s: fighting in political movements, enjoying free liberated sex, enjoying crazy costume techno club parties in London, acting as fashionable shopping friends for straight girls, sporting smart & witty attitudes with a tongue-in-cheek comment for everything, and performing dirty trash drag shows in the old warehouses of Copenhagen.

But then it all got really boring. The current generation of queens and fags are just plain hetero-fied and have nothing more to fight for. We breed, we have boring dayjobs to sustain our square existence and we live in the suburbs. *Burb*

However, one of the last few pillars of gaytitude is still standing: the all-seeing laser eye of tasteful aesthetics and über-camp packaging. Most of us do still have a very keen opinion on how things look, and I don’t think the fashion-design biz would hold up for very long without the help from the pink priesthood. We know how to WOW.

So in order to reaffirm myself of the still alive gay powers, I went through my cupboard this morning to spot a few items that yell THE FAGS WERE HERE during the concept and design of the product!

Yummy Easter Bunny (US)

This is just so camp I could cry– which I actually did when receiving this as a present from a friend who went to the US. The innocent eyes, the chubby paws, the day dreaming wabbit in the background. It’s a wonderland! Even the milk is hollow, just like a NYC fashion editor bitch should be. If your heart doesn’t melt looking at this, you’re not gay enough. And for the record, that’s a bad thing.

Pretty ‘n’ Pink (UK)

An essential item in a homosexual man’s kitchen cupboard. These sugar sprinkles are useful for any occasion, such as brightening up the morning cereal or for adding a festive touch to your chicken/bacon sandwich. And they will always make the food look good, make you laugh and think back to the 1950′s where a woman was supposed to stay in the kitchen and a fag was something you smoked 20 times a day.

Pink Peeps (US)

This (in)famous American Easter candy was sent to me by fellow Umamimart writer Yoko: fluffy little pink twitty birds coated in powdered sugar. You can even fit them all in your mouth for exercise.

Pop-Tarts Strawberry Milkshake (US)

I got this from Yoko as well. It’s got *pop* and *tart* in its title and can therefore not be mistaken: this is a homosexual breakfast item. I can only imagine how many American gays wake up in their 100% silk sheets, push last night’s rent boy out of bed and remove their 3-layered beauty mud mask before sitting down at the table in their ocean view kitchen and enjoy a Strawberry Milkshake Pop Tart with a strawberry milkshake on the side for matching colour purposes.

Dronning Mandler (Queen Almonds) (DK)

Super old school candy from Denmark. Only the old ladies eat it. And the gays, duh. Why? Because it’s pink and got the word ‘queen’ in its name. And because if you lick it hard enough, you reveal the nuts.

Twizzlers Rainbow Twists (US)

Bought in a cornershop in New York in 2008. Twizzlers should totally sponsor the Prides parades across the globe – it’s the rainbow flag, it looks great on any float and it contains six fab colours (one for each of your drag queen friends when you walk it down the street looking sassy with a twizzle around your dizzle).

Hello Kitty Lollipop (JP)

Two years ago I attended a Japanese Toy Festival at the Japanese embassy in Copenhagen. At one of the stalls a small Japanese obaa-san (granny) sat and hand-rolled several masterpieces made of warm caramelized sugar. Customers could ask for a specific motif and she would magically roll, throw, bind and colour it up as a lollipop. A boy asked for a football, an old man asked for a boat, and I asked for… Hello Kitty. Which of course made everyone look at the only gay man in the room when handed the sugar cat. I pranced out pretty quickly.

Giant Caplico (JP)

This was given to me by Yoko as well (she sure knows how to spot a faggy food item, hmmm…). It’s yet another weird excuse for candy from Japan, dried up foam with “strawberry chocolate flavour” mimicking an ice cream cone. On the package, Mr. Ice Cream is tanning his naked cone in the park (gay) or sitting on a bench pretending to read while checking out the male joggers (really gay).

Puchi Choco Usagi (JP)

Awfully kawaii, these little bunnies in strawberry and chocolate flavour. Bought in a convenience store in Tokyo and kept unopened for four years as this is a packaging masterpiece. It’s the epitome of cuteness and I can only imagine the sales department creating a design like this intended for either Japanese schoolgirls or the gay-but-still-in-the-closet salarymen as a snack for the long trainride home to their 10 square-feet apartment in a suicide-troubled, steel-clad suburb. Hooray!

Puccho gum candies (JP)

It’s from Japan, it’s for kids and it has a suspicious shape.. what more can I say?

Tubble Gum (FR)

Er… It’s French, it’s pink and sticky and that tube shape does not make me think of gum… no further comments.

Yamahomo! Fellow faggy rubber-wristed writer of Umamimart, I dare you to do a Faggy Foods: NYC Edition. It’s a Culinary Queen Throw Down!

A cupcake is like generic sex.

Looks like an ok fun party from the outside, but when you dig in, it’s dull, sticky and in the end it just makes you wanna throw up.

Right now, you’re probably thinking “Oh no, not another cupcake post. Weren’t cupcakes something that belonged to the 2000′s?” And yes, you’re right. Cupcakes are so Sex & The City (aka Grandmas in the City by now– wasn’t it shot in the 1990′s as in “last century”? Jeez!)

But the icy vikings of the cold North don’t take American frills that seriously, and only if it brings something new. Therefore we haven’t really felt this American craze here in Denmark. Until now.

And so there’s a new player in town– behold the first 100% cupcake shop in Copenhagen called Agnes Cupcakes.  I went there today with my sister to test their stuff.

(Agnes is a Danish girl’s name and is pronounced “Aooohness”, not “Agnes” like acne. They should totally have a white cupcake with red sprinkles and call it Acne by the way)

The interior is bright, spacious and clean with a good view of today’s selection.

The shop is co-owned by Danish interior designer Johannes Torpe who did the famous VIP nightclub NASA in Copenhagen which has been visited by stars like Prince, Snoop Dogg, Spice Girls, Rihanna, Kiefer Sutherland and other glamourous beings.

But honestly, the interior was very run-of-the-mill, I was actually expecting more from a famous dude like him. Also, something about the red star in the logo makes me think of another American cupcake chain. All in all not very original in my book. But I’ll give them points for being mainstream and commercial. God knows you need it to stay in business these days.

Single cupcake boxes.

I like how the boxes have different colours inside depending on their size.

They have an “offer” at 4 cupcakes for 95 DKK ($17) which is borderline steep. They better be a smashing hit at that price.

Back to the goods: I wanted to try the liqourice cupcake and the sea salt chocolate one, but both were not in stock that day.

I choose the lemon/coconut one and the blueberry one, and my sister picks the dark chocolate and the pistaccio one. The shop assistant is having a hard time putting the cakes into the box which seems a bit too narrowly constructed. Each cupcake sits in its own little hole to lay in.

We have an even harder time getting them out again– by accident I push my blueberry one into a splat.

Great packaging design…

As predicted I’m not thrown off the chair by heavenly taste-gasms. The dark chocolate one is the best– it’s spungy and full in taste.

Pistaccio is kinda boring, but I applaud sprinkling whole nuts on top, gives it more bite. The blueberry one is ok but forgettable and sort of greasy. The lemon/coconut version is pretty dull; the lemon has no bite, it’s too sweet.

As the picture states, we can’t even eat two cupcakes each, especially not the boring ones. And no need for doggybaggin’ the leftovers, I can’t hold more.

2 weeks later I revisit the joint as I’m told a food blogger should always do.

I finally get my Sea Salt Chocolate cupcake.

It seems the sea salt is limited to the tiny sprinkle on the top. I can’t taste it in the cake. It’s ok though.

My friend gets a Kids one.

The raspberry cake flavour is good, but the sprinkles and icing is too much.

Buying to eat in the bakery gets you only a paper napkin which I totally support. All these boxes are quite a waste of paper if it’s not neccessary.

We get a soy latte– also in Agnes branded goods. It’s nice to see a store in Copenhagen finally doing it 100%.

You can also get Agnes branded water, which I do not support. I hate the idea of bottled water in a country with such pure water as Denmark.
Bottled water is so over. Let’s spend the money on cleaning the ground and banning all plant poisions.

For people in Denmark who are new to cupcakes, I would recommend this as an ok place to start. Making a good cupcake yourself at home is not always that easy if you want it to look fancy and taste good. But don’t expect to eat more than one cupcake before you’re feeling full. Or even worse.

I sometimes wonder whether my generation (of 1979) will explode in a green toxic waste cloud when we turn 40.

Raised throughout the 1980′s on a chemical food diet consisting of added preservatives, taste perfumes and E-numbers galore, our bodies have grown up in dirty soil and now there’s no way back (check the latest cancer statistics for proof).

Back in those days organic vegetables and pesticide-free gardens were only found at hippie communes running DIY communist kindergartens and sporting group sex every Friday in the “bolle-rum” (“fornication room” in Danish). But for the rest of us normal families, the future dangers and health problems weren’t even on the radar yet.

It’s the fall of 2009 and I’m in Odaiba– an artificial island entertainment area near Tokyo harbour. A crowd of screaming Japanese kids run around like crazy in a huge retro candy store. They’re probably psyched to escape for just one moment from their daily rice+seaweed diet. Now it’s sweet-stuffing time, and I’m screaming too.

Mostly because I want to blend in (Japan is all about blending in), but also because I’m a fan of silly, artificial, disgustingly poisonous and basically all foods that don’t look like actual food. I don’t care about the chemicals– I just want to have fun, before I’m bound to explode anyway.|

I found some rather silly stuff in the store which I want to write about, and mix it up with something nasty I found in the local supermarket last year here in Copenhagen.

(Sorry, but most of these babies I’m not gonna tear open as they will lose their value when I try to re-sell them on eBay in 20 years to secure my retirement in Southern France.)

ねるねるねるね (Neru Neru Neru Ne) (JP)

This is a classic vintage Japanese candy from Dimension Bizarro. The title means something close to, “Twirl Twirl Twirl, Ok?”

It also says “Taste of Soda” and “Twirl for Tastiness”. The packaging design is super intense with lots of colours and actions showing how to prepare your meal.

You’ll never have more fun eating stuff that is probably used to kill rats in the third world.

Back of the bag shows the instructions: first you open the bag of contents, stir in Waste Powder 1, add water. Stir in Waste Powder 2, twirl it real good. It should be a pastel-coloured foam now. Pour out the soda-coloured bits and eat them as side dish or sprinkle on top of the foam.

Your intestines will be begging for mercy, but you’re too busy licking the waste off your spoon while watching PowerPuff Girls.

Marshmallow Bunnies (USA)

Next on the list is what I found in the seasonal bin in my local Rema 1000 supermarket (Rimjob 1000 as my ex used to call it). I just love these little surprises in my everyday life.

This product is genius– you take out the soft marshmallow bunnies, brush up your creative skills, grab the “edible” ink pens and decorate your food while enjoying life. And then you eat it and die, but that’s the game you play when buying stuff like this.

Of course I should have gotten the whole bin and given these away as sarcastic nerd presents for those in the know. Damn.

Snot Shots (DE)

I found this at Rimjob 1000 as well. It’s perfect for the underlining theme of this post– the toxic trends among kids. And rightfully so, as most Danish kids these day are probably sick of being forced to eat another organic vegan meal of beans, hummus and a tofu stand-in for chicken.

Forget punk music or biker gangs, this is their way of rebelling against their parents: inhaling toxic snot and chewing chemical sewer waste. In your face, moms! (of course it’s two lesbian moms and a gay father on the side. Very Denmark 2010).

The Snot Shot gum is Tjernobyl Green.

All cheap gum tastes alike, I don’t know why.

If this ain’t pure beauty, I don’t know what is.

“らくがきっず” (Rakugakizzu) (JP)

This is my fave candy from Japan– it’s supposed to be quite old school as well– if you show it to a 30 year old Japanese he’ll nod in joy. The title means something like “Grafitti Kids”.

Take out the Senbei rice crackers, grab the syringe with the blue fluid, press the fluid out onto the cracker and make a piece of art.

This is how all foods should be eaten – playing around and being creative.

I hope I’m wrong about the toxic waste cloud explosion deaths, and I seriously think it’s best to buy lots of organic foods. All this candy is not the real problem unless you eat it 24/7. It’s the rest of your diet: vegetables sprayed with bug killers and watered with toilet water in third world countries, added softeners, added fillers, added food makeup– all the additives adds up.

And having fun while eating these candies now and then is actually super ok, because you know it’s not food anyway.

I think we should freak out more and play around with stuff on the kitchen table. Because what if it IS true about the toxic waste cloud… better live it up now!

Lamill Coffee in Silverlake, LA impressed me because it looked good. They package their coffee beans in tins (made in the USA) that are retro looking and all the staff wear matching t-shirts. Yes, call me superficial – but ever since leaving Tokyo, I have to admit I miss the art of presentation.

The menu is loaded with a long list of beans to accompany the equally long list of ways extraction methods. “Slow Extraction” processes include Clover (available in 8 or 16 oz.), French press, Japanese Hand Drip (Hario extraction) and the Siphon Brew. I felt like I could only have an 8 oz. that day so I went for the Clover, $3.5 (the Siphon Brew sets you back $15, but you get 20 oz. and a whole show reminiscent of high school chem lab).

I wanted something dark, so I asked the barista for something good to drink black. She recommended the Organic Black Onyx. I thoroughly enjoyed this blend because it was pretty heavy but didn’t leave a weird aftertaste or didn’t get me too caffeinated. I guess I would describe it as solid.

I also asked another barista what was special about the Clover machine. He told me that it’s unique because it can make smaller cups of coffee (8 oz and 16 oz) without sacrificing taste or quality. I could tell that they really valued the aesthetics of their machines as they were all displayed in plain sight for customers to ooh and aah at.

My cousin bought a pound of beans for herself. This gave me the opportunity to capture the tin with my camera. The barista told my cousin that if she brought the tin back, she’d get a discount on her next one-pound bean purchase.

Lamill Coffee might not make the best cup of coffee in the world, but I like that they exude confidence – and seem to be having fun too. I admit I admire businesses that can create a pretty sturdy facade where everything is branded and sparkling clean. It’s a given in Tokyo, but not at all in California.

Lamill Coffee also has a store selling coffee-ware next door to the boutique. Most of the products were made by HARIO, a Japanese coffee-ware company.

Store exterior

Various HARIO and Bodum products

Siphon