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PREQUEL
The Good: Ode to JG’s Molten Chocolate Cake, Pt. I

I should’ve known that the whole thing was a bad idea, but curiosity got the better of me yet again. I had been mesmerized by the omnipresent Domino’s commercial touting its Chocolate Lava Crunch Cakes. Try as I might, I was losing the ability to ignore the siren call.

Possessing very little food-related willpower to begin with, I gave in and decided I had to try them. (Am I the only one that saw these ads everywhere? Or just the only one who contemplated an actual purchase? I fast forward through every show on my DVR and still managed to see that commercial at least 11 times. After that I lost count.)

I mean really, what kind of lover of warm chocolate cake would I BE!?! How could I call myself a true fan without tasting the one that was being sold in strip malls across the country!?!

I saddled up to a local Domino’s. After assuring the man behind the counter that yes, I wanted just the cake (no pizza, no breadbowl pasta, no oven-baked sandwich, thank you) I watched as two* small tins of chocolate went into the mouth of the conveyor-belt oven. *There was no option to buy just one; but it’s just $3.99 for two! It’s no wonder America has an obesity problem!

I knew that what came out on the other side wasn’t going to be the culinary achievement of the century, but somehow, I had convinced myself that if anything, it would at the very least be cracktastic; you know, like french fries from McDonald’s or nachos from Taco Bell.

I was wrong. Very, very, wrong.

The menu describes them as, “Oven baked chocolate cakes, crunchy on the outside with molten chocolate on the inside.” Oh, Domino’s. How you have a way with words. “Molten chocolate” does sound much better than “grainy-and-chalky-warm-brownie-batter” and “crunch” more appetizing than “tough-burnt-cardboard-crust.”

But was it really SO hard to make the cracktastic version? Even with an arsenal of chemicals and focus groups on your side?

Yup, I should’ve known it was a bad idea…

*Veronica lives and works in New York City where she enjoys thinking about food, reading about food, eating food and bike riding.